Modern Dating: Games and Apps
source: kisscc0.com
Every time I dare to go out all the conversations I seem to be having veer towards relationships. In many variations, I might add. Some of which include dating in New York, how we play games, and Tinder.
The most common misconception about dating in New York is that there’s so many people that you’re bound to run into somebody you like. What you don’t realize is that even though you might consider this person as a suitable partner, they may be drowning in other possibilities. Tinder has contributed to this culture of there being so many choices. Because why should someone settle when theres a better looking, more educated, more financially stable person out there. It’s also true that apps like Tinder give you a ego boost when that cute person matches with you. Even though the attention may feel great at first the feeling is fleeting. Talking to these people can go two ways, either you end up hanging out or one ends up ghosting the other. Trust me, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. For me the hang outs have always seemed forced and awkward. After the first few times you end up acquiring this negativity that all your encounters will end up being strange and therefore you yourself begin to ignore the messages that seem pile up. What’s wrong about apps like Tinder is that it’s all based on the exterior and what you bring to the table and since when are looks more important than personality.
We also play games with each other. My friend was telling us how the boy she’s been talking to seems to be distancing himself. She messaged us later saying, “He texted me back, but I think I’m not going answer and wait until later to talk to him. Make him miss me, you feel me?” Instead of being straight up with one another we try to make our significant other feel a certain way with as little communication as possible. We do things like this to seem aloof. When we don’t talk to each other and tell each other what issues exist the relationship suffers.
Another rarity among dating nowadays is the “gentleman”. One time I started dating this man and the first time he picked me up in his car he got outside and opened my door for me. I stood there, almost alarmed… I have never experienced anything chivalrous. This man wouldn’t let me touch any doors and he would even pull my chair out from the table when we went out to dinner. After him doing these nice things (that he didn’t have to do) I told him I have never had anyone treat me like this. He was taken aback and told me that all guys should act this way and it’s sad that they don’t. My question is has the bar been set so low that what this man did seems as the most delightful gesture in the world. I still think about this because out of all the men I’ve associated with, there was only one that was a quote on quote “gentleman”. I know some of these traditions seem overrated, but maybe that once in a while gentleman is better than nothing at all.
Modern dating has become such a mess with all these structures that come into play. I have always believed that the best way to meet someone is organically without the internet being there to disturb your thoughts on the matter. Truth is the best way to meet someone is to go out there and meet new people, as cliche as it sounds. Not at some bar or club because those places breed lust instead of love, but next time your friend invites you to hang out with her work friends, go. Even I have snagged a date from that circumstance.