Losing the Spark and the Gasoline to Fuel It
Oh ladies I’ve done it again. I fell for a man who I thought had the potential to keep me interested, but alas, no such luck. I, like many women should, promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t settle for mediocre men who doesn’t value my time or peak my interests. But there is something giddy about the start of a new relationship, the fluttering in your stomach, the first time you hold hands, the first kiss, your first time having sex. A new, fresh beginning with no fixed road ahead, that makes you wonder what potential this situation may hold. It's an endearing start, but in order to sustain something meaningful, I need consistency, consistency in the thrill, consistency in the intimacy. Just like Rome wasn’t built in a day, love isn’t built on instant gratification. Just because time has passed, why does that mean it has to get boring? Well, the truth is it doesn’t and any partner worth your time will work to make sure that spark never dies just like you are.
But when is it time to pull the plug and realize the spice you once had has lost its flavor? For me, it’s when I’m not getting what I’m putting in to the relationship. There is nothing attractive about having to pull someone’s teeth to get them to hangout or talk to you. I shouldn’t have to fight with a video game or a Netflix show for someone’s attention. If we are spending time together, then that time should be utilized to further develop the relationship; if that’s not something my partner agrees with or can promise me then they’re wasting my time. Furthermore, if someone is constantly cancelling plans, without a good reason, then they’re just not it sis.
Today a friend told me that her boyfriend is the first guy she didn’t mind being clingy. I asked her to define what ‘clingey’ was to her and she explained it as “ya know someone who wants to talk and spend time with you, but I like it with him”. That my friends is not clingy, it just means that your significant other is about you. We further discussed that the reason she thought her other boyfriends were so clingy is because she didn’t actually want to spend time with them, because she didn’t have real feelings. I’m a personal believer that you should never have to wonder if your partner cares about you, because they should be showing you. How do you show someone you care? With your actions, words mean nothing if not backed by actions. This requires nothing serious, a kiss, a phone call, a card, a funny picture, an inside joke, very little things.
The most important thing to remember, and I cannot stress this enough, is to keep an open communication with your partner. Now I struggle a lot with this, I don’t bring up little things that bother me, I just let it build up and fester until it explodes out. Don’t be a fuck up like me. Us mature adult ladies handle our emotions like a fucking champ from now on, and confront the shit that is bugging us. Why? Because if those are fixable things then they will no longer be road blocks on our paths to happiness. Most times communication may be the only thing to regain the spark. You most likely have to pour gasoline on everything, and it will get worse before it gets better, but at the end you’ll either realize you have nothing salvageable or a rebirth. Now this may be scary to do, leaving our comfort zones is arguably worse then getting waxed but it is necessary in a relationship. Because when you find your twin flame you can’t risk losing the fire, or what fuels it.
At the end of the day your relationship is your relationship, and nobody has a say in what goes down besides you and your partner. I’m only letting you know that if you are not satisfied that it may be worth saying goodbye, no matter how hard, so that one day you can say hello to true happiness. You will not be alone for forever, you will not never find love, and you are worth love and being loved completely. Someday someone is going to make you so happy, you’ll have no doubt that they are the one, and for that person you will be the same. Until then good luck honey buns, I’m right there with you.